Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
