I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
