Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
