I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
