I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
