well most of my day revolves around power hour
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
