My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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