I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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