You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
