tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
