i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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