After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
