its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
