we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
