You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
