I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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