I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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