Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
