She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I could fuck to npr.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
