ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
