i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
