Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
