so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
