I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
