Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
