This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
