Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
