You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
