Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
