I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
