I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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