Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
