so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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