Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
