I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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