My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
