If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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