So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
