What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
