Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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