The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
