you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
