I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
