You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
