That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
