you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Life without a bra equals bliss.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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