I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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