Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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