I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
