she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
