what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Text me some of your sweat
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
