I want to make a zoo with you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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