fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
