i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
