Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
